The Contract
by Lady Tyria
Summary: PG13 for my exponential amounts of swearing, and shonen-ai. This is a weird little fic, parody only because it parodies the show itself a bit.... sorry if it sucks, I've never seen petshop of horrors
1. Part the first

Let's see... 

I don't own petshop of horrors etc. hell, i haven't even seen the anime OR read the manga.

Warnings: Shonen Ai, PWP (plot-what-plot), Language (cuz I'm a sweary bitch who loves the f word), pretty twisted, very strange, and might make no sense with the show since I have had virtually no exposure TO the show. Still wanna read? Well, all right then!

  
  


The Contract

  
  


The blond-haired police-man stands outside the door, gathering his courage. He is at The Petshop of Extraordinary and Exotic Creatures in Chinatown. He has been to the store so many times before, but this time is unique; there hasn't been a crime.

Leon has finally come to a conclusion about his felings for the ever androgynous Count D. He absent-mindedly brushes off his shirt while steeling himself for a confrontation... and confession.

Before he plunges in, he checks to make sure he has everything he'll need: Determination... check, dressed up a bit... check, chocolates... chocolates??? Fuck! Where did he put the chocolates?? The blond man rushes back to his car and tears through it. he DEFINITLY bought them, he remembers it so clearly! 

He'd been in a rush. Once one decides to do something insane like telling their friend that they're gay and in love with them, one has to move quickly before his resolve falls apart. Leon -had- however, taken a moment off to zoom into the nearest store. Damned if he was going to see the Count without some form of chocolate or candy! He had grabbed a large pack and had sped towards the counters.

The one to twelve item counter was packed, and the woman in front of him, he counted, had at least 20 items. He was going nuts, and spend the 7 minutes in like trying to resist the urge to pull out his gun to scare everyone off. He was all ready crazy enough to be in love with a guy, why get himself arrested? He had run to the car with the chocolates....Where the HELL are they??!

He sighs, relieved, when he finds the sweets (unharmed) under the passenger side seat. Leon walks over and knocks on the door. No turning back now... The heavy wood door swings slowly open under his hand. The nervous man wanders through the dark halls before finding his way into the reception room. He immdeiatly looks to the couch where the Count usually sits... but it's empty!

Behind the seldom-used counter, she smiles, "Hello. Welcome to the Petshop of Extraordinary and Exotic Creatures. We sell dreams, love and happiness.... or something like that. I'm Jill, how can I help you?"

"JILL?!" Leon does a double, and then a -triple- take. The police woman chuckles a bit, leaning against the counter, "What are you -doing- here??"

She clamly smoothes her cheongsam, "I'm here to take care of your pet-related needs today. So, what did you come here for?" Smiling as politely as she can, she leads him to a chair. Q-chan calmly perches on her shoulder.

Quite dazed, Leon takes the seat. What the Hell is going on here? Still smiling, Jill asks, "Would you like some tea? It's a special, chinese blend."

"Yeah, I... wait, no!" Leon leaps to his feet, "Jill, stop this. What the HELL is going on!?"

Her one eye begins to twitch as her patience wanes, "Leon, what do you want?" She slowly hisses through clenched teeth.

"I came here to talk to the Count..."

The clerck clasps her hands together, "Excellent choice, sir! I have just what you want. One moment please!" Jill runs off happily, and disappears into the maze of corridors. Q-chan flutters down and perches on the arm rest of Leon's chair.

When Jill returns, still a bit too perky for the Detective's likings, She is alone. She hands a piece of parchment to her partner, "Read, and then sign on the dotted line, please."

Q-chan peeks at the page as Leon looks at the woman, "Jill, what the hell is all of this? Where's the count, and more importantly, since when do you work here? Isn't it against regulations to have a part time job?"

"Leon..." Jill growls menacingly. The babbit rushes up and hides behind Leon's head, glaring at the police woman. "READ it, and sign it; or is that too difficult for you? No more questions, all of those other thigns are unimportant."

Leon takes the quill pen that's being held out to him, and reads. This is what he sees:

  
  


The Petshop of Extraordinary and exotic Creatures 

CONTRACT

  
  


Name: Count D

Species: Rare Chinese Transvestite

Sex: Androgynous

  
  


Terms of the Agreement

  
  


1. Feed at least a poun of milk chocolate a day.

2. Feed at least a half pound of chinese, herbal tea a day

3. Never expose to full moon light,

  
  


By signing this legally binding contract, I hereby declare that 

I am fully responsible for the care of this Creature. The Petshop 

of Extraodinary and Exotic Creatures, and any of its personel 

cannot be held responsible for any acts of the creature.

  
  


Signed _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

  
  


He'll never, ever know what on Earth possessed him at this moment, but before he realized his hand had moved, he had signed the contract. Jill whisks the contract away from him, "All right, I'll go get you you're new pet."

The wicked smile on his partner's face before she left the room sent shivers down his spine.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. Part 2!

The Contract  
  
Warnings: Shonen Ai, PWP (plot-what-plot), Language (cuz I'm a sweary bitch who loves the f word), Count D quite out of character, pretty twisted, very strange, and might make no sense with the show since I have had virtually no exposure TO the show. Still wanna read? Well, all right then!  
  
Chapter 2  
  
Jill re-enters the room, still with the same semi-wicked smile plastered on her face. There is a cord wrapped around her wrist, and from that handle is a chain leading back through the door frame. SHe tries to go over to where Leon sits, but the chain goes taught and she falls gracelessly onto her ass.  
Growling, she exits again. Leon leans forward, straining unsuccesfully to hear what's happening. Q-chan simply flutters over to watch.  
The ever irraproachable Count D, looking dashing as always, leans against the wall, a small frown on his perfect face. He smoothes his striking black and silver cheongsam, "Miss Jill, there is simply no way..."  
She cuts him off with a little jerk of her hand. That jerk pulls on the chain. The chain tugs on the dog collar that is attached to the Count's slender neck. The rare chinese transvestite glares at her indignantly as she tries to console him, "C'mon... Good boy. Come meet your new owner!"  
If Jill's hand had been any closer, D would have bit her. He is dragged unceremoniously into the reception area. Leon very nearly falls off the chair when his partner hands him the handle.  
She smiles innocently as D crosses his arms angrilly and 'hmphs', "Here you are, Sir. You're new pet. Don't forget your contract.... or else!" She pushes the speachless detective (with his pet transvesite forced to follow behind) out of the shop, "Enjoy!"  
"But... uh... who... what???" Leon stammers eloquently.  
"Oh, don't worry." Jill responds sweetly, "He's house broken!" She runs back into the shop as the Count growls at her.  
"Ji..." the door slams closed, "...ill. Well, that was weird." He sighs, thinking about the contract and remembering the gruesome deaths that await anyone who violates the terms of their contract, "Well Count, we'd better go stock up on tea and chocolates, ne?"  
That cheers the dark-haired man right out of his depressing mood. "Really? Excellent" Excited, he jumps into the passenger seat of Leon's car and rolls down the window. On the way to the store, and from the store to Leon's apartment, Count D had his head most of the way out the car window, enjoying the wind rushing by.  
When they get back to Leon's, Leon lets D loose inside the guest room. In the morning, Leon checks in on his 'pet' to find the beautiful count asleep. The police-man sets out chocolate and tea, then heads to work.  
Upon entering the office, he immediatly stalks down Jill. She smiles at him as he enters the breakroom, "Ohayo. Have a good weekend?"  
"You..." he starts as he points his finger at her and glares, "Are an evil bitch and I can't believe you fucking did that!"  
"D...Did what?" Jill asks, totally confused. leon just ignores her and goes to his desk.  
D jumps up from the couch when Leon walks into the apartment. The tea and chocolates had been consumed, and no the androgynous Count was bored out of his skull, "Leon, hey Leon, let's go do something! I'm bored, and I need some exercise!"  
"Um, sure." The detective grabs the leashs of his pet's chain and walks him to the park. After wandering around for a half hour, Leon sits on a park bench. To his shock, the Count sits on the ground by his feet.  
Leon kind of tunes out for a bit, thinking over all the strange, recent events. He only comes back to reality upon hearing the count growl. In fact, his pet is pissed to hell by a great dane what was sniffing him. The dane's owner pats D on the head, earning himself quite a glare from the Petshop owner. "Now that's quite a dog you got there. What breed is she?"  
"It's a He. Count's a... a Rare Chinese Transvestite." Leon replies, wondering what the HELL this guy's on.  
"Hmmm... a Rare Chinese Transvestite eh? I might get one for myself. C'mon Hershel." The man leaves, bringing his great Dane with him.  
After they return home, Leon goes into the washroom to have a relaxing bath. The count sits, bored to all hell in the living room. To entertain hinself, he goes to the window and watches the sun set...  
When Leon enters the living room after his bath, he finds the myserious Count D sitting at the window, watching the silvery full moon rise...  
CLIFFHANGER!! heh, but there's a good reason. honest. I promise!! Now, here's the deal.... I had so many ideas for a final chapter, i just couldn't choose one! So this story is going to consist of many, MANY alternate endings. A never-ending stream of endings. I'll make a bunch, and if you have an idea of what YOU think'll happen to D in the moonlight, add it to your review, maybe I'll make an ending for it. OR if you want, write your own alternate ending! (No Nc-17 ). Send it to my email lady_tyria@hotmail.com with a subject line reading, contract count d my ending and I'll post it with the rest of them! Prepare for the silly multiple endings... of DOOM!!! 


	3. Alternate Ending 1!

The Contract  
  
Warnings: Shonen Ai, PWP (plot-what-plot), Language (cuz I'm a sweary bitch who loves the f word), pretty twisted, very strange, and might make no sense with the show since I have had virtually no exposure TO the show. Still wanna read? Well, all right then!  
  
Possibly Ending Number 1  
  
Suddenly, the Count begins to glow with a creepy silver light, like the full moon itself. Eventually, the light grows so bright that Leon can no longer see the other man. When the light finally fades, he sees...  
...A tall lithe man, with moonlight silver hair cascading water-like to his waist. This new figure also sports triangular ears and a bushy white fox tail. The man brushes one of his hands (featuring long, claw-like nails) through his hair.  
"Wh... who the fuck are you?" Leon stammers. The police man expects his bloody, gory doom ANY moment now...  
"Now, now. It's very impolite to ask someone's name without first telling them you own." The stranger smirks a somewhat diabolical grin.  
"I'm Leon"  
The count's new incarnation stalks slowly closer to the human, "I'm the infamous demon thief Youko. Please to meet you."  
"D...de... demon??" The detective steps back worriedly. When you all ready believe someone's about to kill you, one of the last things you want to hear is that they're a DEMON!  
With inhuman speed, the demon just, well, -appears- a few inches in front of Leon, "Now that we've been introduced... Let's get to know each other, baby!"  
"Huh... what...wait! Ahh!" and the Nymphomaniacal fox demon drags the human off to the bedroom.  
  
The end of possible ending one   
  
Youko Kurama borrowed from Yuu Yuu Hakusho.   
  
Now, here's the deal.... I had so many ideas for a final chapter, i just couldn't choose one! So this story is going to consist of many, MANY alternate endings. A never-ending stream of endings. I'll make a bunch, and if you have an idea of what YOU think'll happen to D in the moonlight, add it to your review, maybe I'll make an ending for it. OR if you want, write your own alternate ending! (No Nc-17 ). Send it to my email lady_tyria@hotmail.com with a subject line reading, contract count d my ending and I'll post it with the rest of them! Prepare for the silly multiple endings... of DOOM!!! 


	4. Alternate Ending 2!

The Contract  
  
Warnings: Shonen Ai, PWP (plot-what-plot), Language (cuz I'm a sweary bitch who loves the f word), pretty twisted, very strange, and might make no sense with the show since I have had virtually no exposure TO the show. Still wanna read? Well, all right then!  
  
Possible Ending Number 2  
  
Suddenly, the Count begins to glow with a creepy silver light, like the full moon itself. Eventually, the light grows so bright that Leon can no longer see the other man. When the light finally fades, he sees...  
...A strong man who is a mountain of muscle, and wearing all dark lether and very dark sunglasses. He has many impressive, high-tech looking guns on his belt, and short, close-cropped hair.  
"Wh... who the fuck are you?" Leon stammers. The police man expects his bloody, gory doom ANY moment now...  
"I am Arnold," The man states, with a thick accent that Leon can't quite put a name to, "Arnold Schwartzenegger. Also known as Mr. Universe. Also known as the Terminator."  
"T...te... Terminator??" The detective steps back worriedly. When you all ready believe someone's about to kill you, one of the last things you want to hear is that they're called the TERMINATOR!  
"They're comming." He states emotionlessly, pivoting to face the window, aiming with his pistols, "Duck."  
Leon crouches down and all hell breaks lose. With a crash of glass, the window shatters. The cause: a helicopter at the window firing away with twin machine guns. Arnold stands between it and Leon, absorbing the shots without much care.  
He lazily blasts away with the pistols until the helicopter falls to the crash with an explosion rivalled only by Hiroshima. The aptly named Terminator turns to look at Leon, allowing the detective to see where parts of his flesh had been blasted away to reveal metal. He says, "Asta la vista, baby" and leaps from the window.  
  
The end of possible ending two   
  
Arnold fused with terminator   
  
Now, here's the deal.... I had so many ideas for a final chapter, i just couldn't choose one! So this story is going to consist of many, MANY alternate endings. A never-ending stream of endings. I'll make a bunch, and if you have an idea of what YOU think'll happen to D in the moonlight, add it to your review, maybe I'll make an ending for it. OR if you want, write your own alternate ending! (No Nc-17 ). Send it to my email lady_tyria@hotmail.com with a subject line reading, contract count d my ending and I'll post it with the rest of them! Prepare for the silly multiple endings... of DOOM!!! 


	5. Alternate Ending 3!

The Contract  
  
Warnings: Shonen Ai, PWP (plot-what-plot), Language (cuz I'm a sweary bitch who loves the f word), pretty twisted, very strange, and might make no sense with the show since I have had virtually no exposure TO the show. Still wanna read? Well, all right then!  
  
Possible Ending Number 3   
  
Suddenly, the Count begins to glow with a creepy silver light, like the full moon itself. Eventually, the light grows so bright that Leon can no longer see the other man. When the light finally fades, he sees...  
...a small fluffy, cream-coloured deformed-looking hamster-thing with a pathc of orange fur here and there. It has a cute little face, and looks remarkably like the letter P from the side.  
"What the fuck are you supposed to be?" Leon asks, one eyebrow raised quizzically. The police man had been expecting his bloody, gory doom ANY moment now, but now it seems unlikely.  
The hamster clears his throat and sings, "little hamsters big adventudes... ham-ham hamtaro!"  
"A...a talking hamster???" Leon's eyes bug out.  
"I'm a HAM-HAM! -NOT- a hamster! Get it straight you stupid donkey fucker!" Leon can only stare as the tiny thing begins to froth at the mouth. His eyes glow gold and he cries, "Suck Battosai the Hamster-slayer!"  
Hamtaro jumps up and clings to the policeman's leg, gnawing away at him.  
"FUCK! That hurts!" Leon shakes the mighty ham-ham from his legs and runs away screaming like a sissy.  
Hamtaro looks around the apartment and smiles, eyes returning to normal, "This will be a great new play house for the ham-hams"  
  
The end of possible ending three   
  
Hamtaro is from, um, Hamtaro. This was a special request ending ^^ thanks to Atrocity-chan for helping me describe the lil furr ball. The REAL battosai is Kenshin   
  
Now, here's the deal.... I had so many ideas for a final chapter, i just couldn't choose one! So this story is going to consist of many, MANY alternate endings. A never-ending stream of endings. I'll make a bunch, and if you have an idea of what YOU think'll happen to D in the moonlight, add it to your review, maybe I'll make an ending for it. OR if you want, write your own alternate ending! (No Nc-17 ). Send it to my email lady_tyria@hotmail.com with a subject line reading, contract count d my ending and I'll post it with the rest of them! Prepare for the silly multiple endings... of DOOM!!!  
  
(PS, if you like this story of mine, try reading my Ronin Warriors fanfic, "Letters from Santa Dot") 


	6. Alternate Ending 4!

The Contract  
  
Warnings: Shonen Ai, PWP (plot-what-plot), Language (cuz I'm a sweary bitch who loves the f word), pretty twisted, very strange, and might make no sense with the show since I have had virtually no exposure TO the show. Still wanna read? Well, all right then!  
  
Also, apparently, the first time i posted this, it got, like, mixed up with the arnold one. that has been fixed. Please review, a few more and this'll be my most reviewed fanfic ever!  
  
Possible Ending Number 4  
  
Suddenly, the Count begins to glow with a creepy silver light, like the full moon itself. Eventually, the light grows so bright that Leon can no longer see the other man. When the light finally fades, he sees...  
  
...a tiny, not even a foot tall mouse-thing. It is yellow with little black stripes all over. It has a large tail that slightly resembles a thunder bolt.  
  
"What the fuck are you supposed to be?" Leon asks, one eyebrow raised quizzically. The police man had been expecting his bloody, gory doom ANY moment now, but now it seems unlikely.  
  
"Pika? Pika, pikachu!" It responds, long ears perked up, smiling cutely.  
  
"K, I'm getting kinda creeped out now." The little mouse scurries over to him and stretches out his head like a cat expecting to be petted. He shrugs a bit and scratches the pokemon on the head.  
  
"Piiii...." It states contently. Then, it's stomach growls and it sadly moans, "Kaa..."  
  
"Um, I guess I'd better go get you some food, little guy." Leon starts to walk by to go to the kitchen, when on his way he accidentally steps on the oddly-shaped tail.  
  
"'kachu!" The mouse screams as he shocks Leon with lightning.  
  
"FUCK! That hurts!" In anger, Leon grabs his pistol and ends the pathetic thing's life.  
  
  
  
The end of possible ending four   
  
I don't like Pikachu, can you tell? Ha ha Ash, you need a new best friend now!  
  
Now, here's the deal.... I had so many ideas for a final chapter, i just couldn't choose one! So this story is going to consist of many, MANY alternate endings. A never-ending stream of endings. I'll make a bunch, and if you have an idea of what YOU think'll happen to D in the moonlight, add it to your review, maybe I'll make an ending for it. OR if you want, write your own alternate ending! (No Nc-17 ). Send it to my email lady_tyria@hotmail.com with a subject line reading, contract count d my ending and I'll post it with the rest of them! Prepare for the silly multiple endings... of DOOM!!!  
  
(PS, if you like this story of mine, try reading my Ronin Warriors fanfic, "Letters from Santa Dot") 


	7. Alternate Ending 5!

The Contract  
  
Warnings: Shonen Ai, PWP (plot-what-plot), Language (cuz I'm a sweary bitch who loves the f word), pretty twisted, very strange, and might make no sense with the show since I have had virtually no exposure TO the show. Still wanna read? Well, all right then!  
  
Possible Ending Number 5  
  
Suddenly, the Count begins to glow with a creepy silver light, like the full moon itself. Eventually, the light grows so bright that Leon can no longer see the other man. When the light finally fades, he sees...  
  
...the Count looking pretty much like himself, really. The silky straight black hair, complexion pale as moonlight, the dog collar with leash, and the silver-black cheongsam. But still, something just doesn't seem... right.  
  
"Leon!" The count exclaims, "What'd you do that for! This is all YOUR fault!"  
  
"Huh? What is?" Leon asks, breathing in a sigh of relief. The police man had been expecting his bloody, gory doom at any moment, but now it seemed unlikely.  
  
"Just LOOK, you insensitive, blind hippo! You turned me into a WOMAN!!!"  
  
"That's a good thing, isn't it? I mean, you always dressed and acted like one anyways, so..."  
  
D glares at him, horrified, "Leon!"  
  
"...so I guess I'll have to start calling you the Countess D now, ne?"  
  
"This isn't something to joke about Leon! I don't know of any way to turn back!"  
  
"I think I can help!" Leon runs off to the kitchen. Countess D waits impatiently, fiddling with her leash. A few minutes later, the policeman runs back out with a kettle and pours the boiling hot water on the ex-transvestite.  
  
D looks up at him miserably, "Great! Just fucking WONDERFUL! Now I'm wet, scalded and STILL A GIRL!!!"  
  
Cause of death was documented as 'several blows to the head with a blunt object'. The murder weapon, strangely enough, was a teapot. Jill would never figure this one out.  
  
  
  
The end of possible ending five   
  
The concept of using hot water to turn a girl into a guy comes from Ranma 1/2. "what'd you do that for" tm girl-type Ranma   
  
Now, here's the deal.... I had so many ideas for a final chapter, i just couldn't choose one! So this story is going to consist of many, MANY alternate endings. A never-ending stream of endings. I'll make a bunch, and if you have an idea of what YOU think'll happen to D in the moonlight, add it to your review, maybe I'll make an ending for it. OR if you want, write your own alternate ending! (No Nc-17 ). Send it to my email lady_tyria@hotmail.com with a subject line reading, contract count d my ending and I'll post it with the rest of them! Prepare for the silly multiple endings... of DOOM!!!  
  
(PS, if you like this story of mine, try reading my Ronin Warriors fanfic, "Letters from Santa Dot") 


	8. Alternate Ending 6!

The Contract  
  
Warnings: Shonen Ai, PWP (plot-what-plot), Language (cuz I'm a sweary bitch who loves the f word), pretty twisted, very strange, and might make no sense with the show since I have had virtually no exposure TO the show. Still wanna read? Well, all right then!  
  
Possible Ending Number 6  
  
Suddenly, the Count begins to glow with a creepy silver light, like the full moon itself. Eventually, the light grows so bright that Leon can no longer see the other man. When the light finally fades, he sees...  
  
...the Count looking pretty much like himself, really. The silky straight black hair, complexion pale as moonlight, the dog collar with leash, and the silver-black cheongsam. But Leon doesn't fall for it for one moment.  
  
This was a creature from the petshop, with its contract broken. At all the crime scenes, the animal never looked threatening. The policeman backs away slowly, pale as a sheet, he expects his bloody, gory doom at ANY moment.  
  
"What's wrong, Detective?" The Count asks, only vaguely interested in the answer.  
  
"Are... are you all right?" Leon asks, practically pissing himself with fear.  
  
"What -are- you talking about?"  
  
"The full moon. You haven't... changed?"  
  
The count laughs delicatly, "What did you think would happen? That I'd turn into a giant monster and kill you, or something?"  
  
"I guess that was kind of silly of me, wasn't it?" Leon laughs a little, nervously.  
  
D stands up and approaches him, stoping right in front of him. He whispers, "Very silly. I would never hurt you, Detective..."  
  
Leon blinks, "Uh, D..?"  
  
"Hmm... I guess there was a side effect after all."   
  
"Huh... what... Wait! Ahh!" Leon yells as the Count smirks and drags the Detective off to the bedroom.  
  
  
  
The end of possible ending six   
  
The Count is from petshop of horrors?? Wow, a little sentence explaining where you stole...er, borrowed stuff from doesn't work so well when you didn't steal...er, borrow stuff.  
  
Now, here's the deal.... I had so many ideas for a final chapter, i just couldn't choose one! So this story is going to consist of many, MANY alternate endings. A never-ending stream of endings. I'll make a bunch, and if you have an idea of what YOU think'll happen to D in the moonlight, add it to your review, maybe I'll make an ending for it. OR if you want, write your own alternate ending! (No Nc-17 ). Send it to my email lady_tyria@hotmail.com with a subject line reading, contract count d my ending and I'll post it with the rest of them! Prepare for the silly multiple endings... of DOOM!!!  
  
(PS, if you like this story of mine, try reading my Ronin Warriors fanfic, "Letters from Santa Dot") 


End file.
